accepting gerty

my counselor asked… Whats the worst that could happen by accepting gertrude? (gertrude/gerty is what I have named my chronic pain resulting from RA and other health issues, more on that here).  by accepting gerry i fear I won’t keep fighting for a better, healthier version of myself. acceptance & giving up seem to go hand-and-hand. I still believe on some level that I can be strong enough to over come the pain. for so long I was lead to believe it was something i could control & it wasn’t real. and even though we have plenty of ‘proof’ of these diseases, I think on some level I still question what if? but I think I’ve tried that… I’ve tried to be stronger than the disease, i’ve tried to ignore it, i’ve tried to power through and it hasn’t worked out, so i suppose i can’t say i didn’t try that route.

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